Technical Difficulties

It’s The Boss here (no, not Bruce Springsteen, but how rad would that be):

We’re having a few technical difficulties at the moment (as you’ve probably noticed from the errors at the top of the screen), and for a few days our wonderful features we

re disappearing into the dreaded 404 maelstrom of the internet. But the good news is we’re on top of it now, have all our wonderful posts back, and will even be back to normal soon.

Please stick with us during these turbulent times! It’s always a little bumpy after takeoff, and with all the upgrades we’ve been making to things around here, we were bound to run into a few snafus. But the results will be a better site, even more awesome content to read, and a snazzy new store that will – at long last! – include links for all our Apple users to buy their favorite books and try out a few new ones.

Thanks for your patience,

The Grand Poobah


The Toast | Lotus

I won’t deny that I love pop music. Laugh at me all you want but there is nothing like a catchy, pop song to get you through the day. Unfortunately, there is a serious lack of good pop music these days. When I heard Christina Aguilera was putting ou

t a new album, I felt fairly confident that pop music had started to redeem itself once again. Though her last album, Bionic, tanked and felt like she was trying way too hard, I was hoping she’d gone back to her roots of pop music or even tried another old school album like Back to Basics. This was not the case.

Before I begin this review, I must say that this album wasn’t her worst effort but it definitely wasn’t her best either. It has its ups and downs but for someone who can actually sing, Aguilera should have put a lot more effort and heart into her record.

What really puzzles me to this day is why musicians feel like they have to remind you that they’re sexual or sex symbols. That’s a complete turn off for me, what I think is sexy is confidence and subtly. Aguilera has never been very good at this (remember “Dirrty”? A guilty pleasure, but still proves my point) and with her lead single “Your Body” she is yet again reminding her listeners that she is a sexual creature. The video itself is pretty gross and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. She’s like a praying mantis; she mates and then gets rid of them. I guess she’s just some sort of man-eater. The song lacks in a lot of departments. It’s not catchy and the lyrics are awful and outlandish. From the moment I heard the song, I was pretty much over it.

Luckily, she calls in some back up in the form of her “The Voice” co-judges to pick up the album. “Make the World Move” features Cee Lo Green and is one of the highlights of the record. I like this song for a couple of reasons, one of them being the positive message it sends (“turn up the love, turn down the hate” ) and the other being that instead of being overtly sexy, it’s just a funky and fun song. I also must admit, there isn’t a lot of music that features Cee Lo Green that I hate. If Aguilera did more carefree, fun tracks like this her album would have been solid.

One of Christina Aguilera’s strong points has always been the power ballads that allow her to showcase her outstanding vocals. Aguilera went through a divorce in 2010 and the song “Just a Fool” was her chance to work through the demons she has been dealing with. And who knows about heartache better than a country star? Blake Shelton joins her in this heartbreaking lament. I think what makes this duet great is the contrasting tone of their voices. His country twang with her soulful soprano just hits the spot. The album also needed more tracks like this instead of trash like “Your Body.”

After almost three years between albums, it’s hard to make a comeback, especially after a flop. “Lotus” was a valiant effort, but in the end, the album was only mediocre. Aguilera has an amazing voice and shouldn’t waste it on smut to prove a point. Give it a listen and decide for yourself.



Written by: Katie Sperduti




Three Villainous Superman Analogues

This post was originally featured at Brandon Melendez’s Nerd’s Eye View blog and was written before the launch of DC’s New 52. Regardless, I feel the points remain valid.–Brandon

Superman is the most powerful being in all of co

mic books. You may argue that this is a debatable topic but the end result is simple- Superman always wins. You nay-sayers may want to quote the one time he lost—The Death of Superman—but remember not only did he simultaneously defeat Doomsday, he also returned from the dead. So, the collateral damage of that loss is negligible.

Superman is the symbol of American morality combined with a power-set that is simply impossible to comprehend: flight, invulnerability, ice breath, several enhanced visions (x-ray, telescopic, and heat varieties being the most common), super strength, super intellect…the list goes on ad infinitum.

This has often posed a problem for writers. How can you possibly have such a powerful character and keep him challenged? What villain could possibly give Superman—a mortal more powerful than gods (see Superman slugging Darkseid above) a run for his money? Certainly, Lex Luthor has to be given a certain amount of credit in this respect; he is and always will be Superman’s opposite number, but what I am referring to here is blow-for-blow battle. It is very difficult to keep a character interesting when he can literally swat all opposition away like flies if he so chooses.

In rectifying this problem there are generally two solutions writers have come up with over the years:

1)    Invent a character with almost no back-story with a mysterious and amazing level of strength.


2)    Have Superman fight some analogue of Superman.

Neither of these approaches has developed any truly challenging or long lasting adversity for the Man of Steel. To avoid going into the depressingly endless list of Superman rouges that either don’t fit these two solutions or fit the bill for solution one, lets just say the cream of the crop is Mr. Mxyzptlk and “kltpzyxm” that whole discussion. (I will discuss Mr. Mxyzptlk one day: how awesome he is, how poorly he has been used, and how sad it is that I didn’t have to look up how to spell his name…but not this time around.)

As far as analogues of Superman go there are three of worthy note: Bizarro, General Zod, and The Cyborg Superman.

In order to explain these characters one has to choose their history well—as it is with all things DC Universe these characters may have origins that have changed drastically over the years, without explanation, and occasionally without reason.

The first I’ll discuss is Bizarro. Bizarro first appeared in an issue of Superboy during the 1950’s in which a scientist used a “duplicating ray” on Superboy. As all advanced technology was composed of rays and tubes in the 50’s this isn’t surprising. The character was devised to be a strange cross breed of Superboy and Frankenstein. He was later packaged and repackaged again during the Silver Age as being an “imperfect copy of Superman” eventually being reduced to his imperfect “Me no am Bizarro” style of speech. Besides having negative-Yoda syntax Bizarro also has “opposite” Superman powers…sorta. He has “freeze vision” instead of “heat vision” and “flame breath” instead of “freeze breath” or “super breath”. This is where Bizarro really starts to lose anything remotely resembling continuity. If he were to have reverse Superman powers the opposite of “flight” is “walking”, the opposite of “super hearing” is “deaf”, and the opposite of “invulnerability” is “weak as a kitten”. Also for some reason the kryptonite that effects Bizarro is blue even though the opposite color of green is red. Maybe this is where “imperfect” comes into play? So as to have the weight of “opposite” removed? There have been really great uses of Bizarro, I’m sure of it. The late 1990’s Superman show is one triumph, where as the Superfriends version is an utter fail. The best use of Bizarro in my opinion has always and will always be in the “Emperor Joker” storyline. While I will hopefully, one day, get to talking about this story in full I have to say it is one of my favorite Superman stories ever; the Joker has gained omnipotence by duping Mr. Mxyzptlk and runs amok with the entire universe. In the end though, Bizarro is a cheap laugh at best. Him is the best villain never. Or, I guess…well you get the drift—his usage is limited, his character development is impossible, and his backward “S” logo is…well that’s about all he’s got.

Next, let’s talk about General Zod. If you’ve ever seen Superman: The Movie and Superman 2 you know all about Zod and to KNEEL BEFORE ZOD. KNEEL BEFORE ZODGeneral Zod is a much better anti-Superman than Bizarro for a great variety or reasons. His characterization varies from being a Kryptonian Hitler to being a military leader concerned primarily with the protection of his people. At the end of the day, both Superman and Dru-Zod (that’s his name by the way) are both holding an olive branch but while Superman will try to extend it, General Zod will use it as a switch and beat you into pudding. Most fans become familiar with General Zod, as I said before, from the start of Superman: The Movie. “You will bow down before me, Jor-El. I swear it,” these lines are burned in my mind more clearly than the pledge of allegiance, “No matter that it takes an eternity! You will bow down before me! First you! And then one day…YOUR HEIRS!” For me these are the most important lines Mario Puzo ever wrote and could have only been made better if Al Pacino were maniacally shouting them at Brando’s Jor-El. But I could also say that of the pledge of allegiance, or even the Mourner’s Kaddish—everything is better with Pacino maniacally shouting it…but I digress.

General Zod has been portrayed across several media besides the Superman movies. He has appeared in the novel “Last Days of Krypton” and, in some form, on “Smallville.” First and foremost, Dru-Zod is a character from the early 1960s and fell in and out of use. He was released from the Phantom Zone prison by Superboy, but was quickly returned after he tried to…y’know…make everyone kneel before him. After the movies and DC entered the “Post-Crisis” era, Zod and his cohorts Ursa and Non were depicted as being from a pocket universe and Superman had to execute them using kryptonite which led to his vow “never to kill again” (except when he does so inadvertently, to protect his own life, or when killing sentient robots).

Recently, Zod was given quite an overhaul in the maxi series “World of New Krypton” in which 100,000 or so Kryptonians were found to be alive in the bottled city of Kandor. After all sorts of goings-on that kept them from living peacefully on Earth these Kryptonians decided to live on a planet they generated or garnered or whatever in a complete opposite orbit to Earth (see Marvel’s Counter-Earth of “Heroes Reborn” for another use of this concept). On “New Krypton” the surviving Kryptonians set up their society as it once was. Superman is drafted into the military guild and is forced to serve under its leader…that’s right Dru-Zod.

In this storyline, General Zod was developed from being a one-dimensional character with meaningless and banal megalomania to being a complex and intelligent tactician with a paternal need to protect his people. This was one of the better Superman stories of the past twenty years—but only if you can cope with the fact that there are literally one hundred thousand supermen in it. The central characters are Zod and Superman as well as Superman’s aunt Alura, his cousin Supergirl, among other Kryptonians. I won’t spoil the story here but it is far more interesting to see Superman and Zod have character conflicts and not just super powered ones. By the end of the story you have a sense that Zod is not just Hitler with heat vision but a character with motivations, reason, and room to grow for future stories; but of course at the end of the day he is just an evil Superman…as evidenced as by his “evil twin” beard.

Then of course, there is the ever awesome if not poorly named “CyborgSuperman”. The Cyborg Superman is a big reason for why this article was written…but more about that later. His story starts in the early 1990’s as astronaut Hank Henshaw. Henshaw, his wife, and two compatriots go into space in a rocket ship and are effected by some kind of space radiation and start developing all sorts of abnormal side effects to that energy. If this story sounds familiar it should—its a heavy handed nod to the Fantastic Four. Except in this story things to horribly wrong. Their version of the Human Torch turns radioactive, loses his mind, and commits suicide in the sun. Their version of The Thing discorporates entirely. Henshaw’s wife phases out of this realm of reality and disappears. Henshaw’s body deteriorates and dies…but his mind lives on IN MACHINES!!! Somehow, Henshaw manages to blame the whole ordeal on Superman and vows revenge.

Some years pass and the Hank Henshaw character disappears into the open ended plot galaxy when he escapes into outerspace in some appropraited kryptonian technology. Superman dies in battle with Doomsday and four mysterious replacements show up after the funeral. One of these replacements is The Cyborg Superman who, unbeknownst to all, is actually the now villianous Hank Henshaw. Because of the kryptonian technology he adapted into his physiology, all tests show that he is kryptonian. This leads to him being the “offically accepted” Superman for the United States Government.

Henshaw then calls in his alien force from Warworld with his lieutenant, Mongul, to destory Coast City. The Cyborg’s game is then relayed. He wants to tarnish Superman’s name and symbol forever and will kill all of Earth, and turn it into another Warworld at the same time. With millions dead under the banner of the House of El, the other three Superman replacements along with the recently resurrected (yet depowered) true Superman go to war with the Cyborg.

You would think this would be a set up for an amazing Superman villain for years to come but I have neglected to mention one little fact: Coast City was Green Lantern’s town. As a matter of fact the actions of Cyborg Superman in the Reign of the Supermen storyline leads to the fall of Hal Jordan. The Fall of Hal Jordan leads to the destruction of the Green Lantern Corps at the Hands of Hal Jordan, Jordan becoming possessed by the entity Parallex, attempting to destroy all of time and rewrite it in his image (see Zero Hour: Crisis in Time), and the eventual undoing of all those things. Without Cyborg Superman the last sixteen years of Green Lantern stories would have NEVER happened while Superman stories would have by-and-large gone off without a hitch. This is what prompted me to write this article.

Cyborg Superman is barley worth mentioning in the Superman mythos outside of the resurrection of Superman. It is, however, arguable that until very recently with The Sinestro Corps War and Blackest Night that Cyborg Superman had the more impact on the course of Green Lantern comics than any other villain. Even including the Sinestro Corps War because Henshaw was a member of the Sinestro Corps.

The success of this analogue of Superman in the arena of another superhero makes one wonder about the success of lesser characters in Superman’s rogues gallery. Could it be that Atomic Skull is a great villain going up against unfair odds? How would he fair against Blue Beetle or even Green Arrow? Would Mr. Z or Shockwave give Firestorm a run for his money? Maybe Superman has a great rogues gallery that is just not great in comparison to the Pi-times-infinity of awesome that is Superman.

I have no doubt that most of them are not indeed great. Riot, for example, is Madrox the Multiple Man with a bad case of insomnia-induced-mania. He is defeated by sleep. I don’t even know why this character was created. It does however make you think twice about at least some of his villains. Perhaps against other heroes they may have had an impact, or at least a chance to be a quirky c-list favorite like the Mad Hatter.

At the end of the day Batman and Spider-Man have the best rogues gallery hands down— from classics like The Joker to The Green Goblin and The Penguin to Doctor Octopus along with The Riddler, The Kingpin, Bane, Venom, Hush, Sandman, Clayface and undeniably the likes Doctor Doom and Ras Al Ghul. You just can’t top them. (I don’t mention the X-Men because their foes aren’t rogues, they are most often political adversaries…its really a whole different thing with them.) By contrast Superman arguably has the worst; barring those mentioned here plus Lex Luthor, Metallo on a really good day, and Darkseid all of whom are easily derailed if not dispatched—easily that is for a mortal that could smack the piss out of Zeus. But maybe they should have just stayed the hell out of Metropolis and they would have been far more successful.


To read more nerdy posts like this check out Brandon Melendez’s Nerd’s Eye View



Written by Brandon Melendez




The Toast | Sinister

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n the past week, I have seen 2 movies; The Raven and Sinister. Of these movies, one really disappointed me and one surprised me on how much I didn’t hate it. If you thought I hated Sinister, you are surprisingly wrong. I took a brief nap during The Raven because it was so dull, wish I had slept through the whole thing. Shame on you John Cusack! Maybe I’ll tell that story another time.

I have been debating on seeing Sinister since it came out. There were mixed reviews all over the place that it was good or it was horrible. I had thought I missed out my chance in seeing it in the theaters when I noticed it was still playing when some friends and I decided to catch a movie. We walked out of that movie with a couple inside jokes about the demon and discussing how not bad it was.

The movie starts off with a family of four standing with nooses around their neck and bags over their head. Suddenly a tree branch is cut and the family is no longer standing. It was a little much to start the movie with, even for me. Elison Oswalt(Ethan Hawke) is a crime noveslist and has moved to this small Pennsylvania town in order to write his next book that revolves around that family and their missing child. The Oswalt famiy consists of Elison, his wife Tracy (Juliet Rylance) and their two children Trevor (Michael Hall D’Addario) and Ashley (Clare Foley). When the Sheriff greets the family as their moving in (it wasn’t a friendly visit) Tracy asks her husband if they’re living a couple houses down from a crime scene. Elison tells her no and he’s technically not lying. They’re living in the crime scene.

While the family is getting settled in, Elison notices a box that was left behind in the attic labeled “home movies”, but these aren’t VHS they’re super 8 movies. If you’re unfamiliar with those, it’s the ones that are on a reel and need a projector to watch them. Hoping that the films will give him some kind of clue to what happened to the missing child, he sits down and starts to watch them. What he finds is the hanging of the family that was featured in the beginning (named “hanging out ’11”) another family being burned to death “ BBQ ’79”, a family murdered in their sleep (“Sleepy Time ’98), a drowning (“Pool Party ’66”) and death by a lawn mower (“Lawn Work ’86”). While the film titles are clever in a sick way, the deaths on the film were gruesome at times and they all had a connection to them. Each family that died also had a missing child.

Elison thinks he’s on to something big, and keeps reviewing the film in case he missed something, and he did. Bugghul. He finds out from a college professor that Bugguhl is a Pagan deity that eats the souls of children and that pictures were the gateway into his world. Once you see him, it’s game over. The thing that bothered me about Bugghul was that he wasn’t all that scary or creepy and he didn’t have a mouth! How do you eat without a mouth?!

What also disappointed me about the movie is how long it took for Elison to figure out who this guy was and the build up to the climax. The movie is full of typical and played out “easy scares”, which consist of dark shadows and things popping out of nowhere to startle you. What I liked about the movie was that even though, yes there was a bit of blood and graphic deaths, the movie didn’t rest on that. It had a decent plot, great acting and an ending that I didn’t see coming (and really enjoyed). If you’re wondering what happens to the Oswalts, you’ll have to watch the movie but go in with low expectations, it will allow you to actually enjoy the film.



Written by Katie Sperduti

A Thanksgiving Classic: Saved by The Bell- The College Years

Yeah, Mike Minch may claim that the greatest screen portrayal of Thanksgiving is the classic John Candy film Planes, T

rains, and Automobiles--and he’s entitled to his opinion–but I have to take issue with it. Not because of any fault in the movie (or the fact that I…well…I’ve never seen it) but rather because as a baby of the 80s and a child of the 90s everything can be summed up by Saved by the Bell.

While my column on the Testament of Zack is on hiatus, I knew instinctively that the time to revisit at least the topic matter of my life’s mission to spread the word to the public was the Thanksgiving season. Many of you are familiar with the tale of the Bayside Bunch and the homeless girl at the mall in the Original Series Christmas Episode–an issue so easily dealt with by Zack Attack that not only was the girl never heard from again, neither were the homeless. Fast forward two years later and Zack, The Screech, Slater, Kelly, and the new girls are in college tackling their greatest threat yet: Thanksgiving for inner city youth in Saved by the Bell: The College Years Episode 10, Season Only.

You see, if theres a problem, yo, they solve it. Check out the hook while A.C. resolves it…even though he couldn’t fix the problem of the broken down car. When the gang was going to leave the school for home at Thanksgiving–as losers might do–they end up staying to help The Screech get some turkey for the inner city youth who have never seen turkey due some Screechtastic circumstances. Unfortunately there is no turkey! Not even their heavy hitter well-past-his-prime R.A. Bob Golic can help because he wasn’t around or was useless (as R.A.’s tend to be). So using the osmosis power beam of Morrisicity, The Zack is able to conjure some familiar spirits to bring them salvation.

In this instance the true spirit of Christma….Thanksgiving becomes apparent as friends and…well…celebrities bearing gifts arrive! The most famous of them all, Mr. Belding, arrives with a turkey just in time! He heard his favorite students, along with some total strangers, needed a turkey, so he left his spin-off, his wife, and his infant child (that may have been written out of existence), so that he could hand deliver his family’s turkey–BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Also arriving (though slightly less important or famous than Beld-O) was Brian Austin Green (who was not with his at-that-time 9 year old wife-to-be)…or maybe it was the kid from SeaQuest….and Marv Albert…ALSO BEARING TURKEYS! (and maybe Six from Blossom was also there…which, if that is the case, is where she has remained for the past 18 years). All due to the fact—that fantastic fact—that these kids needed help and Zack was there the universe realigned itself to solve the problem showing that the true spirit of Thanksgiving is the Christmas miracle.

So on that note, I’d like to leave you all with heart felt wishes of an enjoyable meal and a fowl delivered by either a television drama star or a soon to be disgraced sports announcer. I know that’s all I ever wanted. If you’re ever in trouble just do what Zack would do…nothing, the universe never lets anything bad happen ever.

Happy Thanksgiving and Zack Bless you all.




Written by Michael Samuels

Happy Thanksgiving From Eat Your Serial

We’ve got a lot to be happy about around here. First of all, we’re happy to be healthy and able to spe

nd time with our loved ones today. Secondly, we’re happy to be providing all of you with a quality source of reading entertainment covering a variety of topics and genres. Thirdly, we’re happy to finally have our store open and that many of you have made the transition from audience to patron. We’re happy for all these things and especially, Eat Your Serial is thankful to all of you for helping us in building our brand and making our endeavor worthwhile.

We could sit here and type until our fingers fly away, but without you, our loyal audience, we’d be madmen yelling in the dark…but instead we’re madmen (and women) with a steadily growing audience outside of the Subway, crowding around us and starting to buy our message. We’re glad you’re enjoying our rants.

Seriously, though, we’d like to extend our heartfelt appreciation and thanks to all of you this Thanksgiving and hope that everyone celebrating is enjoying a delicious meal with friends and family in the most Rockwellian way possible  (or at least a decent long weekend!)

From our family to yours,

Happy Thanksgiving

The Toast | Superman: Earth One, Volume Two


I literally just put down the new graphic novel from DC Comics Earth 1 line and I have to say that I have been enjo

ying the three that have come out thus far. There is, obviously, Superman Earth 1 Volume 1 which has some general issues with its KISS-like super-baddie but overall between the two Superman tomes and the Batman one I think that DC has an interesting approach to the “Ultimate Marvel” revamp style. The thing that I really appreciate about the line is that it is released direct to graphic novel format—and hardcover at that—meaning that the stories themselves are not regularly serialized (which we like around here as a rule), but rather sporadically added to at a rate of about one a year so far.

Looking at Superman Earth 1 Volume 2 (warning spoilers be here), the story picks up at a point somewhat close to the end of the first volume but far enough away that the DC equivalent of Damage Inc. has come through town cleaning up the mess left behind by the comic cosmic Gene Simmons from the Rao System at the end of the last book. Clark Kent has found himself making a little bit of money as a bona fide reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper and moves up from living in a crappy room to living in a crappy apartment. The building has a cast of characters including a tattooed bombshell red head with a thang for Mr. Kent with the initials “LL”…though it isn’t Lana Lang as I thought she might be but rather Lisa Lasalle… and a 1995 era long haired junkie who sits on a stoop quote Bob Dylan. I’m not sure why writer J. Michael Straczyinski did that…but I’ll be honest he was never a favorite writer of mine and I’m not sure why he’s done lots of things though characters owning monogrammed towels displaying LL initials is a staple of Superman lore, so I can’t knock that generally.

Some things happen rather abruptly, at they are wont to do in JMS stories, and flippant comments are made by all the characters who are seemingly all very confident and have nothing in their hearts to question—except of course for Superman who traditionally should not. There are many things in this story that, traditionally speaking, Superman would not do. Having a rather complex fantasy about killing a head of state, or leading the rebels in that state to a cache of weapons to hold an “election”, or even saying “crap” and his vernacular speech in dealing with sentient Kryptonian tech seems a little off balance.

But remember, I said I enjoyed the story. The reason for this is because this is a place and a venue for some of these traditions to be loosened, shaken, or even eschewed. “Earth 1” is not “Earth Prime” where…well…even more extreme traditions are currently being balked with The New 52…but rather is a place where this kind of experimentation is not only allowable but also, in my opinion, permissible. For this reason the somewhat emo and whiney Superman who talks like a Buffy character with a splash of Bendis Spider-Man is a refreshing approach. The hardcore journalist buried under the businessman impetus of Perry White is spun well, and even a very confident and sans-bowtie Jimmy Olsen is nice to see. Lois is Lois…and while she has evolved beyond the damsel in distress looking to wed the Man of Steel that core piece of intrepid journalism and moxie is still apparent.

The art is also quite good in my opinion. It has a cartoony feel to it but is realistic and high quality enough that Shane Davis makes his own mark on the mythos while still evoking a sense of, what for me is classic, Dan Jurgens and Brett Breeding style Superman feel. The costume design on Superman is far more appealing than Jim Lee’s high collared monstrosity evoking the sense of Shuster and Siegel’s circus strongman outfit, but having enough detailing and texture to look like it might be actual clothes (stopping just short of the X-Men movies biker leather gas station attendant suits). Overall he does a good job—even if his “energy absorbing pouches” on Parasite are distracting and disgusting. The renderings are really quite good.

At a little under 200 pages the story is a quick read—even for a graphic novel—and can at times be super preachy (pun intended) and heavy handed. However, looking at it through the prism of a novice, early 20s Superman I think JMS and Davis capture the spirit of the times and update the characters rigidity just enough to make him reasonably relatable. While some might say that it makes Big Blue come off dickish and snide at times (and ostensibly misses a huge character trait at the center of decades of precedent and development), we can all be that way and almost any incarnation of Superman would be glad to be related to by the humans he so admires and tries endlessly to protect and emulate. If you are prepared to leave some of your preconceptions at the door and be slightly preached to with a megaphone I suggest giving this book a try (provided of course you read Volume 1 First).




Written by Brandon Melendez